Warren County Report

I take after my mother in terms of body build. Of course, there were some parts she had that I don’t and vice versa, but you get the idea.

I don’t diet, but I do pay attention to what I eat because of cholesterol. Growing up, I was never real big on fruits and vegetables. I’m still not, but I do the best I can. If I were in charge of the food pyramid, I’d replace them with chips and ice cream.

I’ll be the first to admit that watching what you eat is tough. If I had to go on a strict diet, I don’t know that I could it. As I get older, I find myself thinking more about food than I used to. I’m not even done with supper and I’m already planning my evening snack. It drives my wife crazy. My favorites are Fritos, ice cream and M&M’s. Not a bad selection huh?

Unfortunately, I can’t have as much of them as I’d like. When’s the last time you looked at the Nu trition Facts on food labels? They’re a joke right? They have to be. Who can eat those suggested serving sizes?

Let’s start with Fritos corn chips, something I’ve loved ever since I was little. The food police tell me I should stop at one ounce. According to the Nutrition Facts on the bag, that’s about 32 chips. Come on! I’m just getting started.

Ok, what about ice cream? The news isn’t any better. Breyers tells me to quit scooping at a ½ cup. Yeah, right. That’s about one good size scoop. Who eats only one scoop of ice cream? As a kid, there was nothing better than a big bowl of vanilla ice cream smothered with butterscotch on top. Like my hair, those days are long gone.

Maybe I’m better off with M&M’s. My mother used to buzz through a one pound bag at a time. Guess who thinks they could do the same thing? I suck them down so fast I don’ t even taste the chocolate. I’m sure I’d rather not know, but I was curious what the authorities had to say. Just as I had feared, the news wasn’t good. The Nutrition Facts on the 45 ounce bag of Milk Chocolate M&M’s sitting in our food pantry recommends a serving size of ¼ cup. I was curious. It was time to do some research. What I discovered i s that a ¼ cup of M&M’s equates to a measly 68 of them. And no matter what combination of colors I picked, I couldn’t stuff more than that in a ¼ cup. Now 68 M&M’s may sound like a lot, but trust me, it ain’t.

So who are these food police people anyway? And why are they so mean? If you break their rules, are they going to throw you in jail? I don’t think so.

I just had a thought. Maybe if I became one of them, I could throw my weight around, figuratively of course, and change the Nutrition Facts so that people would like me again. I’ll eat to that.

When he retires, the author plans on working part-time at an M&M’s factory. He’ll be paid in chocolate of course. You can e-mail Kevin at kevine@warrencountyreport.com